LETS TALK ABOUT GUYS!

Guys. What pops into your head when you read that? you probably have a mixture of a million different emotions and experiences and all of a sudden you’re thinking about that guy who played your heart, or that guy who left you or that guy who won over your heart. You want to laugh and cry and punch but also you want to hug them and tell them, “thank you for everything.” Guys can be so confusing. So what makes me qualified to write about them? Absolutely nothing. If anything, my track record would actually make me unqualified hahah. I’m just an average young adult but I’m also someone who is following a God who is anything but average and is revealing to me His way of navigating this whole guy thing. And it’s wayyy better than anything I’ve read on books or magazines or any tips from other girl friends who are just as clueless as me.

I’m not going to get into the whole “embracing singleness as a gift” thing right now cause that would need to be a whole different post. Today I want to talk about what we typically want in a guy and why we want it and if maybe just maybe we need to change it and change ourselves and our perspective on it. First things first, if you have some long list of requirements for your future husband, that’s awesome but you better be working on yourself too so you can check off the things on his list. Do not sit around waiting for him and then once y’all are dating decide to start being your best self. It just doesn’t work that way! Work on YOU while you have time and energy to invest in yourself and then y’all will both reap the benefits as a couple later on! It’s becoming way too normal for girls to expect God to give us an amazing guy who has all these great qualities and will lead us well and all we have to do is sit on the sidelines and wait. NO! Become the type of person you want to attract.

So what is attractive to us? Y’all already know physical attraction is huge if we’re honest and yes it is important but I don’t want to be a wrinkly 80 year old looking over at my husband and knowing that the #1 thing that brought us together was looks. Looks have a place but they don’t last so they don’t satisfy the true desires we have for a relationship. Even without the Christian aspect, it’s just shallow to base a relationship off of purely outward appearance.

So what should we look for on the inside? Lucky for us God literally listed out characteristics of love the way He designed it. Patient, kind, doesn’t envy or boast, is not proud, is not self seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. If the guy you’re interested in doesn’t fit that list, you shouldn’t even be considering him. Duh no one is perfect but if he is truly chasing after God, those characteristics should be present and evident in a significant, obvious way. God doesn’t want you to settle so if you’re trying to justify dating someone who doesn’t match up with this, those thoughts aren’t coming from Him.

And if a guy ended up reading this post then same goes for you when you’re considering a girl. Just because you’re supposed to be the leader doesn’t mean it’s okay to settle for a girl who is lukewarm spiritually. Check their inside by seeing what comes out of their mouth and their actions day by day in how they live their life in every circumstance. If y’all date they will influence you and you deserve someone who will build you up rather than bring you down.

I have a list of 3 things that are non-negotiables. I really encourage that you make your own or even use this one as a way to stay focused and accountable to the ultimate goal of having a Christ-centered marriage someday.

1.) Are they pursuing God at the same pace as me. Can I serve better with them than without them?

2.) Are they someone I can have a friendship with and have conversations and be vulnerable and trust?

3.) Attraction mentally, spiritually, personality?

I hope that you feel comfortable enough with God that you can talk with Him about everything, even guys! He desires a deep relationship with you and cares just as much about the little things as the big things and will shape your heart to be more like His as He reveals to you the way He wants things to be in your life.

Re-Spark That Fire with Him!

“…and if you could just pray that the flame will spark and stay on fire and that I develop a strong desire to have a firm, strong relationship with Him again…”

This is from a dm I received from a friend that inspired me to share to you! I pray God moves through my writing but also that real growth occurs through genuine conversations that are started by it.

It’s a common thing heard when people talk about wanting to be on fire for Jesus! The problem is, fires eventually burn out. However, someone told me that “if you want a fire, you have to put in one stick at a time”.

So if the desire of our heart is truly to have a relationship with God, we will keep putting in sticks so the flame doesn’t disappear.

A “stick” is just anything you do that gets you closer to God. Maybe it’s praying, reading a bible, listening to worship songs, or meeting with a friend and doing a bible study together etc etc etc. Believe me when I say this, when you draw near to God and He will draw near to you. What a beautiful promise God given us. One of the pastors once said, "if God seems far away, guess who moved?” which is such a great reminder that although we definitely can’t work our way to heaven, we still need to put a work in order to be closer to Him and become more like Him just like we would do for any human relationship. How much more should we desire to do so with our Heavenly Father who loves us so much deeper than any human ever could!

I’m not doing this blog thing to give tips to people who I can’t relate to. I’m literally just thinking of topics and talking about whatever pops into my head from what my reality is and what God has shown me and I know 100% that I need to read and apply my own words more than anyone else does.

With that being said, some days I feel like I can only put in half a stick. My recent excuse is all about work work and work, the most exhausting way. It takes a lot out of me physically, mentally, and even spiritually and some days I just feel drained when I have to add even just little life things on top of it. It’s ironic because even though I know God will fill me up, I still use feeling empty as an excuse to not make time for Him. Yet I think scrolling through social media or standing in a hot shower for way too long will help. My point here is, it’s not about having time, it’s about making time.

Chances are I don’t know you on a deep level so I do not know what your excuses are and they might be wayyyy bigger than my current one. I just know we all have excuses or we would never feel the need to re-spark that fire with Him because we would be content with drifting from God. Wow I pray hard for me and for you that we never end up in that place. Lately I have tried to start looking at my excuses as motivation. The fact that I’m even making an excuse means I’m obviously feeling a conviction that is requiring a response which means my soul knows I need to spend time with Jesus even when the enemy’s lies try to convince me otherwise. 

So my prayer for myself, for a friend who messaged me, for you, yes you and for anyone who reads this is that we will listen to that conviction and desire to chase after God knowing that He can and will satisfy us and fill us up so we can pour it out onto others and that we will be realistic and realize that it will require throwing in some sticks day by day.