Friendship Advice | Toxic Friends | Personal Opinion as Christians

I remember our third meeting. After Sunday Church my friend and I spent like 4 hours at Starbucks and laughing like old friends. Talking about "friendship" for me is very personal and I love my friends. We both love our friends. She had 5 questions in her pocket and I gave her my personal answers. 

Question number 1

I feel like with friendship when you are Christian, there is like too extreme, you can have only Christian friends and then you have kind of like coming from your old life you can only have secular friends. Do you think that is okay to have both extreme or do you think everyone needs a mixture?

Answer

Definitely it can be a huge temptation you want one and the other that is more comfortable, when you know the people in our lives for a long time, especially there is a past or memories of any kind that we cling to that. And especially when you first become a Christian, you definitely need people of all ages especially the people who pour into us, very well minded, positive, giving us advice, being there for us because that is how we grow. We need people who push us that way.

Question number 2

Should we pray about who we become friends with?

Answer

I personally think it can become so cliché that we pray about it, but I believe it is very important that we have that tool. I mean the people that we spend most of our time with is friends and who we spend our time with is most likely who we will become as well. So by being prayerful is not only allowing God to be a focus within our friendship, but it is also a self-check, like an evaluation, “are these people good for me?”.

Question number 3

In my mind, I organized my friends into like, friends that I helped grow, which is mostly like Christians who are on a different walk. And then there is like friends that we both love each other grow. And then there is like people who helped me grow, more like a leader role. So if no one fits in those categories, do you think that they are not worth spending time on? Is that sounds harsh? Because you are investing time right?

Answer

To me, I do not have a whole lot of time to just do that. I so much rather like invest in a few friends. I think that also it is important to have those people you can pour into  because we are given knowledge to be able to spread and I think that is also having people pour into you, or in a mentor form is also super important at any point no matter your ages you know. You can grow and you can learn no matter what. So I think those are really safe good category and I think obviously there will be people that kind of come and go and it is okay.

Question number 4

How do you know when you need to cut a friend off / distant / know they are toxic?

Answer

Well I think that I have had a lot of friends in my life that have been both positive and negative and I find that a lot of times back in high school uni age, people were so insecure you know and I was just like thinking that I engaged my bunch of space off on how they can contribute to my life as long as they are pulling me to do things that are not good, or being overly negative, or overly pessimistic not supporting me on good things. I feel like you really have to watch the negative friends.

Question number 5

There is often times and seasons where people leave or something happens and they are leaving. How do you feel about that? Because when I invested in a friendship, I love my friends. If we are friends, I always hoped we will be friends forever until we die. I want a long term friendship. I really love my friends but when things changed I do not really know how to go from there?

Answer

I have actually had a lot of friends that are coming on through out my life and I think that I really have found out even in the loneliest spot when all of my friends left me, I knew that there is a reason for it. You know every time that happened it was just like,”okay God I don’t know what the heck you were doing.” But then down the line even like in a couple years down I was like,”Oh my Gosh I was friends with them, I don’t know what I have done.” Even good friends, they go through stuff that could bring you down. I think one of the fun things, when you buy new shoes, you know they are going to wear out one day and then you have one that are going to last forever. You just have to believe that if God takes your friends not because you have done anything wrong, not because you were not worthy. It just means that God might have new and better friends for you.

You need to pray for healing, pray for the person that hurt you, we believe in a way that help you grow. Like you forgive the person and you become healed. Pray for peace and healing. God will bring you better friends, whether it is a new one or an old one from your past. Just be happy about it.

Cheers x 

Dry Seasons

Yes dry seasons. I am talking about dry seasons. If you don’t know what dry season is, for me personally dry season is when you feel completely disconnected, numb, discouraged, kind of not motivated to do anything and there is to do with God. Like you don’t have any motivation to go to church or pray or worship or you just don’t feel that fire anymore.

The first thing I want to say is that this is a hundred percent normal in Christian life, so if you haven’t gone through a dry season, you will go through a dry season. Everything is in season.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 ESV

There is a time for a dry season and there is a time for a Jesus yes season. If we didn’t have dry seasons and we were just on a spiritual high all the time, I don’t think there would be any growth in our lives because nothing would change. There would be a season of time when you have heaviness and you feel so weak that you have to lean on God and really find the energy within ourselves to ask for help. And to understand having a dry season which means gaining knowledge, learning and keep learning.

There isn’t like a special magical answer here that is going to make you fall in love with Jesus right away. But you have to push through it, you have to get up every day, you have to try and pray. I mean honestly it is great. Because you know our God is so cool that we could be like,”God I don’t feel you and it sucks. Like I want to feel you but I don’t know what happen, like is there anything in my life going on that I need to check or just help me to feel you again and help me like speak to me in your word and help me feel your word." Just be raw, be organic. He wants that. I mean you have to be real with God, continue to pray, continue to try read your bible. If you don’t, don’t beat yourself up. I am not saying that don't read your bible, but like if you don’t, don't let the guilt consumed you. Try to do the normal things that you do even if it is numb, because trust me, it is working in your heart even if you don’t feel like it is.

A huge thing that changed my life this year recently is I started joining a new community. I can pray with people and be surrounded by other people who love God. It is just encouraging. Like it is hard to go and be untouched and even if you feel you are untouched, like you will see see that it is starting to change you. I strongly recommend that if you are going through a dry season or being in any season of your life and you get plucked into a church, it is completely worth it.

Become The One!

I am 25 years old and I have spent my teenage and young adult years really focused trying to search with all the things you know I am saying for the person God has for me. And there were a season of my life where I knew somebody that I believe was the person God had for me that he had a lot of amazing qualities and all the stuff. But when I realized that my life was starting to look like this, this person was almost like the sun and my life was like all around this person. What I wore, what I ate, how I posted on social media, constantly trying to impress this person and I never felt free to just be myself. 

I felt like my eyes went from focusing on God on focusing on this person and allowing this man to be the motivation for a lot of things that I did and you know later on just the series of the events, God spoke to my heart and said this is not the person I have for you and I remember you know a little word said, "what the desire of your heart?" And I remember it was a different season of my life, I had made a list. I really made the list, "Lord this is the desire I believe you have placed in my heart for a long time." And they were not even physical things, but really just attributes. The Lord showed me that because I was very focused on this guy trying to be the one that I had taken my focus off becoming the one, trying to like and impress was really not the desires that God had for me. God showed me that He has more for me, do not settle my brothers and sisters. I just want to encourage girls out there you know to not allow guys to become your world because girl no matter how amazing he is, he is not worth it. He should not be your world because Jesus created the world. 

And so in that season of my life, I remember taking my time where I just did me. I was with friends, I went shopping, I was doing things I love and I felt alive in my singleness and I love who I was as somebody who is investing and becoming whole in Christ. Knowing who I am in Christ. I love that Teresa more than Teresa that was trying to impress someone. I realized when I started to become that person that God made me to be that I know that when God bring me a future someone to my life one day that I will attractive to him because I have become that person that maybe he had been looking for. 

I believe a lot of you asking,"God what is my spouse wants me to be for them?" So right now becoming the one could look like working on your confidence, if your confidence is based upon the scale whether some guy did not like you back, girl my confidence was on a rollercoaster ride. Like he said hi to me today, or he did this, he did not do this, what is wrong with me, why he did not date me, why that girl. I remember just taking a step back and being like wow that's my confidence really grounded whether this guy likes something on social media of mine, or like that girl's photo but not my photo and we'd be like oohh I am so this and that..? It sounds stupid but we all do that so I really took my confidence to the Lord and say," Lord I want my confidence to be in You and not whether some guy is paying attention or not paying attention to me. "

Another thing I would say is just knowing your identity in Christ you know. When you know who you are then when the right man comes, he is going to be like wow that girl is not trying to impress others, she is not trying too hard to be someone she is not, he is going to be like, that girl knows who she is, she is authentic. The girl who knows who she is, she knows where she is going. I look back now and think to myself if I took that time and energy and invested that and becoming a whole person and doing the things I love, hang out with my friends and family, I will be more well rounded and whole person. I do not want to take back what I went through though because that was making me who I am today and would not be able to write this to you, but girls it is not worth it, it is not worth changing yourself if the man does not value you for who you are, he is probably not the right guy for you. 

So y'all, instead of spending all of your time searching for the one, wasting your time creeping out on instagram trying to find single brothers in the neighborhood, it is so wasted. I just want to encourage all my brothers sisters out there, God knows who your spouse is, He is the best GPS you know. You would be like,"God where is he?" But God says, "You do not know where he is but I know who and where he is!" Instead of searching or figuring it out. If God has not brought the right person, He is probably doing work on you or doing works on them. It is not about your timing but it is about God's timing. He will bring you the right person. Maybe that person is not in the season of your life today, or the Lord needs to work something out. Be faithful to wait on God's timing and when it happens it would be like smooth like butter, the Lord will set the stage. Think of it is like a production you know like a play, behind the curtain right now God is setting the stage, you do not want to drop the curtain too soon when the stage is not yet set, my sisters. Always remember, y'all amazing and God loves you so much. God put stars in the sky, He put animals on this earth. He is faithful enough to bring you the right person at the right time.

Happy Sunday ❤

UNEQUALLY YOKED RELATIONSHIPS

Obviously by this title, I am talking about Unequally Yoked Relationships and I do not know if some of you are..but this is me. Before anything else I just want to warn here, if you are not a Christian, if you do not believe that unequally yoked relationships are wrong and are easily offended, I am going to warn you that this post may offend you or make you feel sad or even angry. I am really sorry and I am apologize for that.

I am just going to say, for me the worst feeling ever to find someone cute, funny, he is on your whole list of great things you want in someone, except for the fact they do not love Jesus. So if the situation seems to be perfect and they like you back and you just like Oh My Gosh what should I do now? this guy or girl wants to date me and they do not love Jesus and I do not know should I date them or  tell them that I do not want to date them because they do not love Jesus. That is the most small minded thing to say and they would not get it because they do not understand the whole unequally yoked thing. 

I understand you because I know a couple of friends and relatives who have been in that situation. Why can't we be unequally yoked because sometimes it does not seem like a big deal. As cliche as it sounds I am going to answer with a verse:

Don't become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with unbeliever? And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we are the temple of the living God. (2 Corinthians 6:14-16)

This verse is very intense. That is literally there is no great area in there. As it says, what real connection could exist between you the follower of Christ and someone who is not a follower of Christ. I mean yeah I had tons of friendships, even people in my closest circle that do not believe in Jesus and It is not wrong, it is totally fine. But this is something different because as Christians we date to married and we are not like oh we are still young let's have fun. We are dating with purpose and that is to find someone and to marry that person and live a biblical marriage in lifestyle. 

If you are dating someone who is not a Christian and you are trying to fit them into this biblical lifestyle that you have been called to live, it is not going to work. Sometimes you make all the excuses, oh they are respectful, they are not saying anything bad about Jesus, oh they believe in God but they do not go to church. Yes we can come up with many excuses as we want, but we really know where they are with God. You need someone who is going to encourage you and hit you up and be like,"how you been going with this? have you read your bible today? do you want to go to church with me later? hey let's meet up for coffee and study the book of John!." Who is going to get it and who you do not have to explain to like, "hey I do not want to have sex until married because of this." And someone who gets it is on the same page. Do you want to be with someone who is on the same page with you?. I DO!

This is very common. Literally every Christians I met in my life, they liked someone, or want to date someone who is not Christian or been in or is in unequally yoked relationships. I personally love Jesus so much that my heart aches when I am thinking about what if I am in that situation. If that is you, I just want to pray that you meditate on this verse and think what God is speaking to you. I would rather be single than settle for something that is going to drag me down or discourage me in my walk with Christ. I am not going to settle for anything less than something that will encourage me and be biblical.

I love you guys, hope you are having a good day x

Be Bold

Romans 1 : 6 tells us "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew and then to the Gentile."

Focusing on that first bit, DO NOT BE ASHAMED for your faith in the one who ended the separation between you and God. Romans 6 : 23 explains how because of our sin, we deserve death. But Jesus paid the price that we were supposed to pay,  instead we get a FREE gift eternal life with God! He did not die so He could love us, He died because He loves us already.

Society will always tell you how to live. People will constantly let you down, they will always judge you no matter what, people will always change their actions, opinions and so on. But as Christians, we do not live to serve man. Man is very inconsistent whereas God stays the same through all seasons even when we do not feel Him close. He is who He says He is and He has always been. 

When we try very hard to live up the world's changing standards, we will lose worth in ourselves and in our values. Romans 12 : 2 tells us to not confirm to the ways of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. So what does that even mean? once we cease to allow our present world to influence us and mold us and finally let God completely change our inwardly thinking and our outwardly behaviour to model our ways to be like Christ's, that's when the spirit of God can renew us! We will be able to experience God in a new way once we finally shift all of our focus and gaze upon Him and stop listening and pleasing the world. I do not know if you know this, but our world is broken, imperfect and messed up! So why would we want to serve and please something that is all those things, when we can serve our father, Jesus who poses qualities such as healing, power, love, joy, peace and self control?

If I have learned anything throughout my walk of being a believer, it is to always choose God. When life throws temptations at you, choose God. When the world persecuted you for what you believe, choose God. When people hurt you and leave you because you are not living according to their standards, choose God. His will is greater, will benefit us entirely in the end, and more importantly, bring Glory to Him.

There will come a day, many probably, where you have to choose your faith over many things, relationships, opportunities and so on. But cling to the truth that this world cannot save your, only Christ can.

Loving Yourself, My Kind of Valentine's Day!

Valentine's day on Tuesday?! Oh I really love the idea of Valentine’s Day, it’s the execution of the day that I am not quite as enamored with. Think about it for a moment, an entire day that is dedicated to the idea of love, being in love, showing your love and declaring your love. It makes me smile just thinking about it! It is the price tag pressure that makes me less mushy; that and the part about desperately trying to find someone to shower with hearts and chocolate even if you are on your own by either choice or circumstance.

Instead of trying to figure out ways to make everyone else happy, try to figure out the things that make you happiest :)

I remember once a friend of mine says, “I can please only one person per day. Today I choose me.” I am thinking that this Valentine’s Day, you should choose your own happiness first before worrying about everyone else. Self love is the best type of love because you will always be there for yourself. You do not have to stress about you leaving or breaking up with yourself. Sure it might sound selfish and arrogant to love yourself more than anyone else, but I believe it's been the key to happiness.

If you are single, tell yourself that you love yourself! If you are taken, you still need to take care of yourself. A relationship is something complementary, not supplementary and I strongly believe that you need to fulfill whatever happiness you need in life on your own and that a partner is just an extra bonus of that.

So to prepare your "Special Day", take time to reflect, journal your thoughts, give yourself a pep talk I actually talk to myself all the time, get hobbies, work on personal development,  do something good for yourself and for others, take a moment to remind yourself of the things that you are thankful for, always be honest with yourself, and focus on the positive.

In case you need a reminder, be grateful, treat yourself right, and LOVE yourself xx

Stay positive around negative people

Many of us have people in our lives who, to put it bluntly, bring us down. Heck, even if we are not always upbeat, if you spend much time with negative people, it can be a drain. If you are regularly exposed to downer influences, their attitudes and moods can weasel their way into your soul and strip you of your well-being and sense of peace. Even your world view can become skewed by their incessant lack of enthusiasm.

Under the influence of a negative person, you might even second guess yourself on important decisions, feel sad, uncomfortable or depressed. 

So how can you stay positive around negative people?

Keep your power. Negative people’s pessimistic outlook can drag down your mood making you feel sullen and cynical. In my opinion, allowing a negative person to dictate your emotions gives them too much power. This means you’re responsible for your mood and outlook, do not let anyone else sour it.

Remember it’s not about you. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from my parents was “it has nothing to do with you.” Negative people are negative; if they’re critical or harsh, they’re like that with everyone. Don’t make it too personal.

Counterattack with positivity. Some people are being so negative simply because they know it can rile you. So, if your boss say, “Those shoes are an interesting choice,” try countering with “I love your top today.” If your colleague constantly complains about the weather, reply with how pretty the sky looks. When some people realize their negativity falls on deaf ears, they may give up the comedowns.

Look for the positive. Even in people who you feel are negative, always try to find some positivity within. Sure, maybe they complain a lot, but maybe they’re also the first to offer to pet-sit when you go on vacation.

Keep yourself busy with positive things and stay away from their negative chats, but do not forget to always be pleasant while keeping a space between you and them. Surround yourself with positive vibes and be positive xx